An Open Letter To My Inner Child “You deserved so much better than what you experienced”.
Connecting with my inner child has been a huge part of my life. Without it, I’d still have lots of memories to heal, as well as lots of suppressed emotions that I had never allowed myself to feel.
Telling what your inner child needs to hear is incredibly powerful, especially if you were not given the love and acceptance you should have been given by your parents or primary caretakers.
As children, we can’t identify what’s wrong. We can’t tell if our parents are good or bad — we just love them the way they are, and all we want is to be loved back. However, if we can’t emotionally engage them (meaning, if we have emotionally immature/narcissistic/dysfunctional parents) we’ll feel like there’s something fundamentally wrong with us.
Our parents are supposed to be our secure base. They’re supposed to be the ones we can always go to, the ones who validate our feelings and make us feel safe and accepted. Unfortunately, this is not always the case, and the lack of a secure base in childhood can cause some very deep wounds.
This is why it’s so important to reparent ourselves.
I wrote this letter a few years ago. I hope my words make your inner child feel seen, heard, and loved.
For many years, you felt alone and misunderstood. You felt like you were never good enough, no matter how hard you tried. You felt like everything was your fault. I’m writing you to validate your feelings so that you know you’re not alone anymore.
You’re not crazy, too emotional, or too sensitive. Those who told you that could not fully understand you, and that’s not your fault. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to express them.
I know how many times you’ve ignored your needs. I know how many times you’ve hidden your anger when you felt like you were not being treated the way you deserved. And I know how much pain it created inside of you.
I know you’ve always felt confused because your physical needs were always met but your emotional needs have always remained unfulfilled. And you were right. Life’s much more than the physical realm; you should have been emotionally supported.
Your pain is there for a reason. You deserved so much better than what you experienced.
You deserved to be told “I love you”. You deserved to have a safe place to go to. You deserved to be unconditionally loved and accepted, not just when you had good grades.
You deserved to have the freedom to pursue your passions without guilt, to make mistakes, and to be imperfect.
You deserved to show your true self and be loved for it — not judged, ridiculed, or minimized.
Of course you were angry!
Please know your anger is not something to be ashamed of — it’s a sign that you know your boundaries were crossed and disrespected. You have every right to express it and to stand up for yourself.
I also know that living in such a chaotic environment has overdeveloped your empathy. You don’t want anyone to feel the same way. You want everyone to feel loved, cared for, supported, and accepted.
I know you don’t believe this now, but your empathy is a gift — don’t let anyone take it away from you. You just have to learn to set boundaries and protect yourself.
You were taught that being helpful and hiding your needs would win the love of others, but that’s not how true love works.
True love does not require being perfect or neglecting yourself. In fact, it gives you the freedom to show your true colors and express every single part of your being.
True love has no conditions. It lets you be who you are, regardless of the circumstances. It encourages you to grow and flourish, and it supports you in doing so. It makes you feel accepted and it provides you with a secure base to come back to — with no demands or questions asked.
That’s the kind of love you’ve always deserved.
I know how difficult it can be to love yourself when you’ve never felt loved by the very people who were supposed to teach you what love looks like. Please, forgive them. They didn’t know any better, and they still don’t.
I know how difficult it was for you to live in such an unstable home environment, where you were constantly trying to avoid the next argument. I know how much anxiety it has caused you, but please know that his anger was never your fault.
I know that you tried to overcompensate for his instability by being overly happy all the time, and by becoming the person he wanted you to become so that you could make him proud. You kept pushing yourself to prove to him how worthy of love you were, but your efforts were never enough.
You have nothing to prove. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. He never loved you unconditionally because he’s in pain and he’s not brave enough to face himself.
It’s not your job to fix him.
It’s not your responsibility to please everyone. It’s not your duty to exhaust yourself to fulfill everyone’s needs and wants. Your only duty is to take care of yourself and fill your own cup. That’s all.
I hope you find the courage within you to always remember that your worth is not based on others’ judgments and opinions and that you don’t need to please anyone to be cherished and adored. I hope you always find the strength to love yourself and respect your emotional needs, even if you were not taught how to do it.
Thank you for your bravery. You kept smiling and being kind when you had so much to deal with. You made others feel seen and heard even when you were hurting.
I hope your heart will always remain open. I hope you will always choose to heal.
I love you.
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